I've Rolled Around, Restless,
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
...with the following single thought running through my mind incessantly:
Where does this absurdity end?!
It's two in the morning, on another night of skipped work, and sleep is not an option. The very thing that I strive for and look forward to all day of which I deprive myself for the sake of masochism.
When does this viscious cycle end? When can I rest from the never ending exhaustion of graveyard work, the strive for the bed?
When can I breathe a sigh of relief from the pressures of my peers, my parents, my colleagues, to perform as a student, a minister and an individual? Am I crumbling at the thought of succeeding or am I shreiking from all responsibility?
Why is it that I have begun a habbit of reckless driving? One where in my vulnerability I grow in confidence, pushing myself to believe I am invinsible. Did the Cop know how I felt when he said, "It's not worth it"?
WHERE DOES IT END. Why am I going through this?
What's going on inside of me? I despise my own behaviour. This only serves to confirm my suspicions, that I'm still a man in need of a saviour.
I want to be in the light, as you are in the light!
I want to shine like the stars in the heavens!
OH LORD BE MY LIGHT!
And be my salvation
Cos all I want is to be in the light.
Clearly, life is purely an absurd thing without the direction, and growth, and love of Jesus.
Pray for me, friends, as God tears down these walls I have put up, and builds me up, a character "lacking nothing" as perseverance would have it.
---
Post note to the pre-post post: This has lifted a huge burden off of my shoulders since last night. But continue to pray anyways.
Where does this absurdity end?!
It's two in the morning, on another night of skipped work, and sleep is not an option. The very thing that I strive for and look forward to all day of which I deprive myself for the sake of masochism.
When does this viscious cycle end? When can I rest from the never ending exhaustion of graveyard work, the strive for the bed?
When can I breathe a sigh of relief from the pressures of my peers, my parents, my colleagues, to perform as a student, a minister and an individual? Am I crumbling at the thought of succeeding or am I shreiking from all responsibility?
Why is it that I have begun a habbit of reckless driving? One where in my vulnerability I grow in confidence, pushing myself to believe I am invinsible. Did the Cop know how I felt when he said, "It's not worth it"?
WHERE DOES IT END. Why am I going through this?
What's going on inside of me? I despise my own behaviour. This only serves to confirm my suspicions, that I'm still a man in need of a saviour.
I want to be in the light, as you are in the light!
I want to shine like the stars in the heavens!
OH LORD BE MY LIGHT!
And be my salvation
Cos all I want is to be in the light.
Clearly, life is purely an absurd thing without the direction, and growth, and love of Jesus.
Pray for me, friends, as God tears down these walls I have put up, and builds me up, a character "lacking nothing" as perseverance would have it.
---
Post note to the pre-post post: This has lifted a huge burden off of my shoulders since last night. But continue to pray anyways.