Here.

This is my worldview. My experience. My self-esteem.

These are my secrets, my desires, my feelings.

What will you do with them?

Will you share them with the world? Will you claim them meaningless? Will you hold them in your hand and bleed them through your clenched fingers?

At the cost of feeling safe, I find out whether or not you are trustworthy.

Truth is, I never felt safe until the day that those who took this from me gave it all back, tied up in a pretty red bow and called it "beautiful".

As for you, you who dared to forget your love, you who forgot how to serve the God you claim, I think it hard to ever let down my guard around you again.

Today, it is reported that several students participating in a strange college ritual they call "Hermitage" have accomplished none of the goals they set out at the beginning of the ritual.

"It's good in principle," one student says, "But it takes a great amount of discipline, something I sure don't have much of." This student told the Newspaper Guys that his goals were to finish one assignment every day and do devotions every day, for seven days.

He failed miserably.

In fact, it would seem that real life reprocussions are manifesting themselves. Some scientists are embarking on a reasearch project to reveal the psychological effects of such a study ritual on the emotional well being of the students who participated. There will be much crying.

Doctor Whatshisface recommends this pre-emptive treatment, "Listen to really loud music; it's like taking Aspirin to prevent heart attacks, it works".

Dear You,

I am internally conflicted.

I stand here, divided in two. Surrounded by a thick mist of darkness, I have only this narrow path of Light to follow. I'm sure that it goes somewhere important, or the Light wouldn't exist. I know my feet exist, I can feel the sand in between my toes, but I can't see them. All I know is to trust the Light, and that everything I need to get wherever I'm going is along the way.

But I can't ignore the growl in my stomach. I'm hungry, it's true. It's an insatiable need for sustenance. There is only a glimpse of you, but you seem to be a food that keeps on feeding. I know that if I wander far enough from this path, I might know you more, I might learn just how good a strengthener you are.

If only this path straight and narrow were a bit wider. If I sit here and contemplate, I neither move closer to wherever I am led, nor am I fed. Either way, I need to move in one direction, and one may negate the other.

I am sorry that I will probably have to leave you behind. Maybe we will meet again someday, when you are closer to this path of Light I am blessed to follow.

Just remember: every time my belly churns, I'll be thinking of you, and how I wish it didn't have to be.

Who am I? The one that gets laced tight
The one you wear, hit a flare on the same night
That you hit an uprock, I'm the one in the closet next to one sock
The one you rock on the cardboard box
Walking to the one block
You know the one spot peeps get the one shot
Got one thought on the task at hand
You can ask your man I'm part of master plan
Only b-boys and b-girls, they understand
Whatever you say now, ya wish is my command
Name it, I'll be the footwork to your head spin
Follow your lead, go anyplace that ya legs bend
At ya cipher session I'm ya best friend
I got a twin, we's a pair clocking size 10
Head's a shell, three stripes on side
Laces large, on your feets I reside
Keep me clean, keep me laced, and I'll be allright
I be the first element up in here tonight

Who am I? See, I'm the one that you be gripping tight
The one that makes you sound real good when you be flipping right
And I'm the one causing fights up at the open mic
I'll make ya sound real stupid if you don't hold me right
I got emcees fiending for me all day and night
I could care less if ya on me if ya black or white
See all that matters when you rock me don't be coming wack and
Don't hold me to the speaker or I'ma feedback and
I'm used for rapping, every now and the used for passng
Back and forth in ya crew in a freestyle fashion
I get rocked, ripped, flipped on and blasted,
I'm spoke on, choke on, hit on, spit on, and mastered
I've outlasted, been used to tell truth and lies
Used to kill the youth and used to open up they eyes
I come in all kinds of sizes, heard all kinds of voices
Sometimes I'm plugged in, you know sometimes I'm cordless
Keep me clear, keep me close, and I'll be allright
See I'm the second element up in here tonight

Who am I? I got two heads and they always spinning
I got two arms that the deejays, they use for ripping
Plus a fader in my middle that they always gripping
I'm completed with the two records used for mixing
They pulling tricks and cutting up, ya know they scratching
Remixing beat, juggling just whie they mix and match and
All kinds of beats till it's the heat that I know ya catching
And I'm the one that started hip-hop in case ya asking
I got knobs and faders in a mad abundance
I come in many names, but most time it's 1200
When I get played now, you know that you truly love it
Now clean the needle on my arm or I'll be sounding busted
I'm disregarded, treated like I ain't legitimate
I'm making music, you don't see me as an instrument
And it takes true skills to get on me and be ripping it
Nobody sees my contribution, they ain't getting it
You know there's one thing that really now makes me mad
You used to blow me off but now I'm the latest fad
I'm the thing that every rock band they got's to have
Now people say my name and they be like "Now what is that?"
Keep me running, keep me spinning, and I'll be allright
I'll be the third element up in here tonight

Who am I? Se I'm hiding in your backpack
You tear my tip off, replace it with a fat cap
I'm 12 oz. of steel concealed in a knapsack
Ya pull me out, ya shake me up, and then attack that
Wall or train while ya steady throwing up your name
Leaving these end to end burners, ya getting ghetto fame
Now me and my brothers, ya know we come in many colors
Steady beautifying the walls of a ghetto culture
Toys and suckers now you know they getting dissed quick
I'm going all city all up in ya district
Ya hold me with control so I never drip thick
I'm tagging up ya spot, nobody misses it
See I'm the brush to a modern day type DiVinci
I'm the new urban renewal for ya block's committee
I've spoken words of the youth of an inner city
I'm vandalism but to others I'll be called graffiti
Keep me shaking, keep me spraying, and I'll be allright
I be the fourth element up in here tonight

Who am I? See I'm the God that you don't know about
I gave you breath up in your lungs that you can't go without
See you know the facts of My story you been told about
I'm always reaching out for you but you just keep on holding out
I know your doubts, I know you're thinking that I ain't real
See I know you forgot about Me when you got ya last record deal
See I know the way you feel, I walked the earth just like you
And like a child up in his Father's arms, I long to hide you
Many times I invite you while standing here right besides you
But you walk right past, you ignore My hands here given to guide you
I gave you gifts, I gave you talents that you just used to gain your wealth
But you took my gifts and talents only for you, just to glorify yourself
I was beaten and bruised, crushed now for your iniquity
Stripped naked, I was spit upon just for you to live eternally
Yet you blaspheme Me, you make moves without asking Me
Then you blame Me for your troubles and calamaties, you kidding me?
Keep Me first, keep Me in your life, and it's gonna be allright
See I'm Jesus Christ, the Fifth Element up in here tonight

Ok, friends, here's the scoop.

For seven days, being Tuesday November 15th, 2005, to Monday November 21st, 2005, myself and a friend are embarking on our very own Hermitage.

The focus of this Hermitage is this: time management, with a large emphasis on GET MY ASSIGNMENTS DONE, DAMNIT. My exact goals are this: to devote daily in prayer and reading of scripture and to produce one completed assignment, be it reading, research or report (etc) per day. If I am studious enough to finish my assignment for the day, and it is reasonable to believe that mushy brains do not produce qutlity second assignments, then some rest and relaxation time is allowed. I have planned two movie nights, the only scheduled and sanctioned social time, on the friday and monday nights of the Hermitage period.

Here is where I need you, my friends. Some of you live close by, some of you live not so close by, and some of you can not visit where I live but see me daily. I request this of you: if I am for some reason not within my boundaries as sanctioned as above, resort to DRASTIC AND NECESSARY means as to halt procrastenation and general laziness. I love you all and will continue to love you after this even if I hate you for a day.

If this rather militant and exaggerated need for discipline is found to be overbearing during the Hermitage, then at the end, namely Monday November 21st, 2005, during the evaluation of the week, moderations to the following week (as of yet to be named) will be discussed.

I appreciate you. All. Thanks for your help and your sincerity and your harshness.

elements to the day and short synopses of each element

drum duet: wake up and have breakfast followed immediately by a trip to chapel where two drum kits (yes, two) are set up. Pictures to be included.

fun drive: smelly car, "I don't know where it is", "Do you even know how to get there?" etc etc.

hike upside a mountain: teapot hill is fun. too much walking for my liking (wow i'm fat and out of shape). nice view of some kind of valley looking into the states. "how come no real people live here??"

fun drive (2): return to abby. truce? HA! pen-flicking action good times.

shopping: what are we shopping for? anyone??!

cooking: prove yourself. so i shread lettuce, and return shopping

shopping (2): no sunset? no worries, we can make out instead.

eating: muh. energy. eat. salad.

nap: whoa, where the heck am i? who are you? where is everyone else?

movie: i don't have a clue what's going on. nice car.

gelato: breaking spoons, what? communal gelato, yum.

foyer: chinese checkers and genuinity. great talks. good audeince too?

wind down: system of a down and friends online. maybe civ 4 later if i push it.

I'm not going to lie to you there are many things in this world that don't make sense to me
Like how syrup defies gravity and always travells up your fork whilst consuming the likings the the pancakedness.

Other things bewilderst me, such as...

Well to be honest I'm had a therory for some time now that on some primal level rocks are communicating without our knowledge. I have yet to personally hear it, but scientific research indicates that it's quite plossible.

Think about it, rocks calling other rocks. I mean where do you think meteor showers come from!?! Family reunions? If they could have families..... that would indicate some original spawnee..hmm Perhaps they would reproduce simply by dividing like that of their smaller cousins knows only as the "cell." Not the prision version.

I think I shall attempt to establish contact with them and become thier ambasitor to the human world. NO! Their leader, and I shall RULE THE WORLD as the KING OF THE ROCK TALKERS...(because not all of them can talk..just some..) otherwise I'd just be King of the Rocks!

Don't worry I'll remeber you as I rule the world

I used to be able to drink coffee, XL, doubledouble, cup after cup, and it would actually aid in my sleeping efforts, if it had any effect on me at all.

This may be attributable to the fact that having lost so many countless hours of sleep last year due to working the graveyard shift that no aliment could ever cause loss of sleep; or atleast so I am inclined to believe.

However, tonight I am caused to believe that I am no longer impervious from the effects of caffeine in the slightest manner, whatsoever. Friday night, after having coffee with Erin, came back to dorm, and coupled with troubled mind, had little difficulty staying up till nearly 5am. The lack of sleep that night I attribute to issues of regular nature raging through my mind, however tonight's lack of sleep is clearly caused by the coffee I had at Tim Hortons with Dave, Mel, Matt, Christy and Lindsay.

Tonight, I find when my mind races, it races to the same topics as Friday night's sleepless issues. So I am left wondering, does caffeine, aside from stimulating the body also stimulate the mind in thought but also emotion? Can it cause imbalance as to increase anxiety and sensitivity?

---

I've grown up with the understanding that beyond our control is the effect we have on others, that a joke or an insinuation in its context relies completely on the inturpretation of the listener, and never on the intents of the speaker, and so, when I disregard the possible inturpretations of my friends when I speak, I do them a horrible injustice.

I imagine two electrical components. Their nature is not important. They could be toasters, TVs, stereos, phones, computers. The only stipulation is that their circutry is exposed.

Now, between these two exposed electrical circuits stands a malicious, develish little boy, knowing full well the outcome of his "experiments". He'll stand there, ripping out wires and joining them between the two components. He'll bridge the power feeds between them, and watch fireballs explode upwards, oxidating and ulitmately destroying the delecate circuitry within.

Frayed wires and combusted capacitors lead only to completely irreparable, now non-working great toys.

They could be loud stereos, they could be beautiful LCD projection TVs, they could be hours of Battlefield 2 funness. But now, they are a heap of copper and silicone; simply for the enjoyment of one pyromaniac.

I warmly this great honor of Randomion invitation do I accept. To randomness I will strive. Not to down I will let you.

For now adieu'

"ranDOMinion used to be a lot more random than it is now"

--devoted ranDOMinion fan